..... or it has come to me? Not sure which but I am definitely there. No not the wall. That dreaded evil which is both mental and physical. It keeps us from thinking we can go no further. Not that at all. Quite the opposite.
Instead of a wall facing me down, I am at the cliffs edge. Leap of faith time. I feel I am ready. I am ready to take the jump. Leaping into the unknown distances again to see where my body, mind and spirit will take me.
I have been playing it safe. I like the 13 mile distance. It is something I am very comfortable doing now. Even when I do reach mile 9-10 with no gas in the tank I know I can safely do it. In fact, at this point, I know a little more fuel at miles 6-8 will give me the boost to finish even stronger. Ensure maybe? Sharks? Dried Mango or even a Snicker bar - I don't know which. I just know a little more fuel at that point in the race will give me what I need to finish stronger. Overall, the comfort is there for this distance. Yet, I am thinking, maybe too comfortable.
Great line in the novel Dune talking about the "sleeper most awake." Meaning we need to be tested. We need to stretch who we are so the person we can become, can indeed become.
Serious Case of the Runs is a well written Blog I follow. I am not in her league as a runner obviously. Yet I would like to be. Reading her race report today on the Rocky Raccoon 100 miler has helped prepare my mind for what is possible for my "sleeper" who most "awake". It is time for me to just go and do it.
It is time for me to put aside any feelings or notions of limitations. It is time to just go and do. I will finish a full marathon soon. I know this. Yet, inside I want more. I want the feeling that Cynical Dirt Doll (by the way, what happened to you?) reaches. A fellow runner to her called it the Jesus moment.
The moment when your body literally has been beaten. Your physical well being is beyond empty and just toast. Yet, you bring it out of ya. Somehow inside ya, you bring out enough to keep the motion going forward. Even though each foot forward hurts like a 1,000 hurts more than the previous stride. You just do it and you have no living clue as to how or even why you do it.
It was not long ago I felt something like this. It was training for my first Half Marathon in 13 years. It was hot. Mid 90's early one Vegas Saturday AM this past summer. I was beyond spent. Not only did my feet hurt and my legs were wobbly sticks of jello. I also knew my hydration was gone. Yet, I refused to lose. This was just a training run. I could've stopped and walked. Yet, I just refuse to lose. Walking to me, even during a training run, means I have given up. I don't care if I am down to a crawl of a jog pace. I can't walk it. I refuse to lose.
I need to go beyond. Go beyond the barriers everyone says I should limit myself too. I really feel 15-16 mile runs would be a breeze right now. I think 16-18 are doable. I feel 20 plus runs - are within sight. If that distance is in sight, than it is time for 26.2 and maybe beyond. It starts tonight with my first 13 mile plus run in a month. It is time to wake myself up.
Slice of Slomo Happiness:
1. My wife going into work on her day off. The pager went off, and she needed to answer the call. A patient needed to be seen.
2. My two oldest boys. Two distinctly different boys yet only 13 months apart in age. My little Runner Girl and all her Birthday Party invites. My four year old with a sleek, no one is cuter than me new haircut.
3. My new much overdue haircut. I really need to stop going 4-6 months in between cuts.
4. Valentines Day.
5. Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett and Harry Connick, Jr.
6. Chicken
7. Seattle Mariners, California Angels (yes, I know they go by the LA Angels of Anaheim now :( ), San Francisco Giants.
8. 66 degree days in February.
9. Netflix
10. Anticipation
8 comments:
Hey Slomo. Just trying to get caught up on my blogging! I have had many "Jesus moments". It always amazes me that even when I think I have nothing else to give, something happens in my mind and body to push me to the end. It's a great feeling of accomplishment eh?
I love your kid's photos from your below post. Cute little things! Congrats on their race; you must be so proud of them!
Glad you are feeling good Slomo! Awesome when you hit the "Aha" moment of realizing the Not Yet Accomplished is tangible and within sight. Makes you want to run like the wind.
It was cool to see the pics of the kiddos from your SoCal trip - looks like they had a blast and I am sure you are super-proud Dad.
66 Degrees? We're watching for $49 tickets to Vegas!!! 14 with subzero wind chill right now...
Jump!!! But get a running start!
Jump on in, the water's great and you're going to do just wonderful!! I don't have Netflex because I can't watch more than 10 minutes of anything on tv but I do like chicken :). Have a great week, Slomo!
You are ready! Take the leap of faith. This is old stuff to you - so you know what you're getting into.
Since you mentioned "maybe beyond", (this is actually tomorrow's blog - you're getting an erly release), I volunteered at an ultra on Saturday. I think that I have found something to hang my hat on. The ultimate value of the ultra isn't speed, but endurance. It was absolutely amazing seeing people who had been on their feet for 14 hours coming into the finish.
And I've got the bicycle ready for May! I'll give you the down and dirty on the course as time draws nearer.
Hi Slomo,
That was beautiful! Cheers to the Jesus moments where we wake up and figure out what we would like to do and knowing that it is really possible! I know that you will be able to accomplish whatever it is that you set your mind too:) I also read Paige's recap and was in total awe...she is really amazing!! Thanks for the slice of Slomo happiness...I hope that you have a great week! Keep us posted!!
Can't wait to see how your LONGER LR goes. I'm doing my first run past 13.1 this weekend and am scared but EXCITED! It's amazing to see what your body can do physically, and also what it can achieve when your brain might be saying, "heck no!!" Best of luck. :)
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